Goodbyes: The impossible checklist

My Checklist ie; what my mind does instead of sleeping

The boxes arrived a week ago. Not sure why I wanted them so early, except that I have become less of a procrastinator than ever since the 4th, and 5th child came along. 

Or...I need to go through the motions of doing those things that are possible,  so I'm distracted from all the thoughts I could waste on all those things which are impossible. Those lists I cannot figure out, or speed up or predict:

• Will we get our visa paperwork while still in Singapore or will we have to traipse off to DC?
• Will the kids survive another displacement and new place, new friends, new home, new food...
• Will we need ____ in China or regret that we wasted space hauling it?
• How do we connect the dots between Illinois, Wyoming, New York and all the people/places in between that we want to see. Trains, Planes and Automobiles? 
• Will the baby ever potty train? (Not that I care, but would love to pack less)
• How will Amelia respond to moving back into her birth culture? 
• When will we feel settled? When will we be home?
• Will we ever see some of these amazing people again? 
• How do you say, "thanks" for 4 years of friendship in the midst of some big life transitions such as adoption and a baby born to old people.
• Will these curtains, sheets, pictures... fit?
• What will life in Qingdao be? How will it be to return to China and not be in Shanxi?

And so, I soak up the enjoyment of wrapping those trinkets of our lives, and clothes we never needed here in a box and taping it shut. Stacking it in an inconspicuous place in an apartment measuring 900 sq. feet (Ha!) and saying I finished something. 

Really the boxes distract me from the real goodbyes. Goodbye to the people, the lessons God has taught, the society I have been honored to be accepted into, the doctors who have supported Amelia, the teachers who have coached our kids, the church we grew with.

But I'm reminded by watching my kids who are still living right here, right now with all their energy that this next few weeks is a part of the process.  And the process is just as lovely as the goal.

Waves can be the most fun you'll ever have!

The crashing unknown 
is exhilarating.

Savoring the journey

The hike up the formidable staircase, is just as much fun as arriving.

The mysterious monster that just might bite, is the story we tell our friends.

Belief only during the calm, belies my lack of knowledge of the deep.

I either need to get this tired, or become this trusting

Resting this deeply only follows a knowledge of the one who holds me.