Goodbyes: The impossible checklist

My Checklist ie; what my mind does instead of sleeping

The boxes arrived a week ago. Not sure why I wanted them so early, except that I have become less of a procrastinator than ever since the 4th, and 5th child came along. 

Or...I need to go through the motions of doing those things that are possible,  so I'm distracted from all the thoughts I could waste on all those things which are impossible. Those lists I cannot figure out, or speed up or predict:

• Will we get our visa paperwork while still in Singapore or will we have to traipse off to DC?
• Will the kids survive another displacement and new place, new friends, new home, new food...
• Will we need ____ in China or regret that we wasted space hauling it?
• How do we connect the dots between Illinois, Wyoming, New York and all the people/places in between that we want to see. Trains, Planes and Automobiles? 
• Will the baby ever potty train? (Not that I care, but would love to pack less)
• How will Amelia respond to moving back into her birth culture? 
• When will we feel settled? When will we be home?
• Will we ever see some of these amazing people again? 
• How do you say, "thanks" for 4 years of friendship in the midst of some big life transitions such as adoption and a baby born to old people.
• Will these curtains, sheets, pictures... fit?
• What will life in Qingdao be? How will it be to return to China and not be in Shanxi?

And so, I soak up the enjoyment of wrapping those trinkets of our lives, and clothes we never needed here in a box and taping it shut. Stacking it in an inconspicuous place in an apartment measuring 900 sq. feet (Ha!) and saying I finished something. 

Really the boxes distract me from the real goodbyes. Goodbye to the people, the lessons God has taught, the society I have been honored to be accepted into, the doctors who have supported Amelia, the teachers who have coached our kids, the church we grew with.

But I'm reminded by watching my kids who are still living right here, right now with all their energy that this next few weeks is a part of the process.  And the process is just as lovely as the goal.

Waves can be the most fun you'll ever have!

The crashing unknown 
is exhilarating.

Savoring the journey

The hike up the formidable staircase, is just as much fun as arriving.

The mysterious monster that just might bite, is the story we tell our friends.

Belief only during the calm, belies my lack of knowledge of the deep.

I either need to get this tired, or become this trusting

Resting this deeply only follows a knowledge of the one who holds me.

It's so not Northern China!

Little Number 4 at a beach in Indonesia

We have experienced a lot since the last post. And I even forgot how to blog, where my blog was and who follows it. But I've been inspired to begin again. A different part of the planet, a different lifestyle and a different family. Beginning again.
For starters, we live in Singapore, and contrary to what the check-in lady at DIA believes, Singapore is not part of China. The Chinese here want to make that clear. The country is off the southern tip of Malaysia, a long ways from China and 1 degree north of the equator. Living here is breathtaking and stifling in many ways.
I have learned to deal with hordes of ants creeping their way across my floor, become grateful for the gecko I know is lurking behind a picture frame and waiting for me to leave so he can eat the ants. I have learned to live with constant rain and ensuing mould. I have learned (most importantly) to add u to many words, see 'mould'.
I have lived through the longest drought in Singapore since the mid 1800's and prayed for rain. I'm done praying now.
I have wondered with the taxi drivers and neighbors where in the world MH370 went and considered that people living somewhere down the street were in that plane and are not found.
I have learned to live very far from home. No more of those neat and clean 12 hour flights to Chicago, no. Now it is a 2-day affair to get home. I have learned to call Singapore, 'home'...much like 600,000 other expats in a city-country overrun with foreigners like me.  I have learned to live around white people again, and even learned to understand the Chinese around here, well sometimes, some dialects. The pinyin still bothers me, and the characters confound me.
I have learned how to take kids to the beach and how to have a swimming pool at my disposal. I have learned how to stop and smell the flowers and other amazing scents in the forest behind my house. I've learned to pay exorbitant rent prices and not gulp for air every time. I've learned how to keep things from moulding, but not before I lost a leather purse that I kind of liked and a few other bags and blankets. I've learned babysitters are much more expensive than a full-time maid, so I've learned to train a maid.  That is harder than it sounds...we spent some months in utter frustration and confusion, as I'm sure she did too. It's working now though, and I have time to blog again!
We also gave birth to a baby. A family long past baby things, and baby sounds, and baby nights welcomed a baby almost one year ago and he has been good. He has helped us to experience a kinder side of living and taken the edge off our days and shaved some of the sleep off our nights. But he is good. His joy is unstoppable, his adoration unending, and his zeal unquenchable.  Here are a few fun pics from life in the (almost) Southern hemisphere.

Little Number 5

Marina Bay Sands, the iconic Singapore resort

Colin loves to explore the jungle in our backyard

An intense sensory experience everywhere I look